I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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