What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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