someone get that fucking seahorse.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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