AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How does it feel to date your dad?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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