Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
