Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
