Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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