I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
