I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
