They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
