After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
