I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
