I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
