just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I want to fling myself into the sun
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
