it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
