You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
