Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
there was a trapeze. enough said
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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