these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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