From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
