i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
