I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
