I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
