Cold hands, warm shart.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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