you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
