my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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