so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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