i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
