Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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