That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
