And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
