Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
