Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
