the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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