you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
