I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
