fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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