GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Mom said you looked used
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
