I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
