hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
