By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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