Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
