Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
