I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
