babies were throwing up all over the place
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
