i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
