i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
