Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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