the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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