white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I think I am morally bankrupt
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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