The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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