So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
