Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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