best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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